Self-confidence is the key to success. Read this article to become a more confident man. Both among girls and in life in general. Often people seem to us to be confident almost from birth – as if it is some kind of inherent trait: it is either given or not. In most cases it is the opposite: it is a learned skill. But how to improve their self-esteem and gain confidence, if you know about their shortcomings and stumble over them? How to educate yourself about masculinity? Can a man improve his confidence? We have good news: you can. And it’s all achievable. We tell you what a man can do to believe in himself and how to feel better about himself and where to get confidence.
How a man can become a more confident man and improve his self-esteem?
Self-confidence is one of the most popular things people go to psychologists for. It is such an acute problem that not only psychologists and psychotherapists, but also coaches who have no general psychological training and specialize in narrowly focused areas of human problems now offer to solve it.
People often wrestle with this problem for years on their own, whereas with the help of specialists it sometimes takes only a few months to solve it. This is because these people are trained to solve such problems. And because they see things differently from the outside than you do.
So the main answer to the question, “How can a man increase his confidence?” – To address this question to a specialist. Practice will be more useful than any theory. But if you come prepared and know in advance some of the issues you will face, things will go faster.
Let’s lift the veil of mystery and tell you from the psychological point of view what confidence is, why you need it, why you’re not feeling it right now, and how to fix it.
What is self-confidence: 10 signs
Observe how a man of courage, courage, and confidence behaves. Most likely the picture will be this:
- He is charismatic.
- He’s comfortable: nothing embarrasses him.
- He’s not afraid to make jokes.
- He has no trouble picking up the thread of conversation and easily fitting into the conversation.
- He’s not afraid to get everyone’s attention.
- He is in principle not afraid of anything and in life in general. When he encounters threats, he reacts to them quite calmly, almost never in a panic.
- He reacts to compliments and gifts in a way that makes him want to do more of them.
- He is not shy about asking for help and giving it himself.
- His hesitation and doubts do not prevent him from acting.
- He is friendly with people, but he knows how to say no. Both delicately and harshly.
Self-confidence looks different from person to person often because it appears in different ways and from different starting points. There is no one formula that fits all. However, it’s always easy to be around these people. They feel like reliable friends and partners, and with them you want to relax and get better yourself at the same time.
Why self-confidence is important to men
Let’s say at once – self-confidence is important for a man of any gender. But in our cultural tradition, in our mentality, the place of a leader is traditionally given to a man. Now there are more and more active girls, and that’s great. But men, unfortunately or fortunately, continue to be expected to be intelligent, strong, dominant, confident and capable of making decisions – traditional leadership qualities.
The framework of the norm is shifting. Many cultural stereotypes – including gender – are being erased. Thanks to millennials, a person’s gender is being relegated to second place, both in the choice of activities and in the formation of personality traits. No one now forces you to be confident and no one despises you if you are not.
Self-confidence is a personal choice that you can choose not to make and still live happily. But that doesn’t stop it from being an excellent tool for growth and great success. That’s why many guys are looking for a way to build and develop self-confidence.
Self-confidence helps. In the external sphere it facilitates acquaintances, allows you to communicate with more people, and build up useful social connections through which you can make a great difference in your life. Hand in hand with confidence goes ambition, which one wants to realize. With it, it will be much easier to do so than without it.
In the inner sphere – that is, exclusively for you – it is no less useful: to know the limits of your possibilities and not be afraid to expand them, to know your strengths and be guided by them, not to be afraid of yourself or the world.
Why I’m not confident in myself right now.
Someone outside and unfamiliar won’t be able to answer this question. A psychologist will be able to ask leading questions so that you can find the answer yourself. But one part of the answer is likely to be common to all: because you haven’t yet decided that you can.
Self-confidence is not the ability to always be in control and never be wrong. It is that thorough level of knowledge of your own mind when you begin to use it as a handy tool. Sometimes a little independent–and in these moments it’s worth watching yourself.
Self-confidence is not the ability to solve any problem with a playful snap of the fingers. Moreover, self-confident people are aware of many more mistakes they’ve made. And they know that there are probably just as many ahead. They are simply not afraid of failure, because they have learned to grow from failure, not to crumble and never get up again.
Self-confidence is not omniscience or snobbery. It’s not something that makes a person better than those around them. It’s certainly no reason to be arrogant, mean-spirited, or disrespectful to anyone but yourself. All of the above refers rather to a pathetic attempt by a very frightened person to scare everyone else away from possible attacks.
Healthy self-confidence is. is not about omnipotence, bragging, and sincerely believing yourself to be the best person on the planet. It’s about knowing your capabilities, your abilities, your weaknesses. And the ability to live with all of this.
So why aren’t you confident in yourself? Probably because you don’t know yourself. Because you don’t set your accents well, and you don’t think of yourself as the person others see you as, and most likely you are. Because you don’t understand a lot of things yet, and there is no reason to allow yourself that luxury.
Would you feel confident if you were in the pilot’s seat, not knowing how to drive an airplane? In life, your personality is that airplane that you will be flying for years to come. It makes sense to get a handle on the controls.
How to become confident
Answering this question is easier when you’ve figured out what self-confidence is. After its emergence, self-esteem will crawl upward, and life, if not becoming easier, will definitely set higher-level tasks that are more interesting to solve. One thing is certain: it will become more exciting.
Here’s what a psychologist is likely to advise, among other things, when you come to him in search of your own confidence. You’re free to try it yourself, you’ll just get a little more bumpy and spend a little more time. But you will figure it all out for yourself and you will be able to praise yourself for it.
So, 20 tips on how to find and gain confidence.
- Picture it. Sign up for at least three of the best dating sites and start chatting with girls. Pretend to be a confident person in a situation that doesn’t affect your life too much: in a conversation with colleagues, when meeting a new person, at an event where you don’t know anyone. Just for a few minutes or for the evening. The others are more likely to take your game at face value and not punish you for allowing yourself too much.
- Realize your ambitions in an area where you are good. You’ll even have a chance to prove your point – you’re making a point where you know something.
- Be more confident with your friends: you know them and their reactions. If you’re absolutely terrified, you can warn them about the experiment. They are the ones who will either encourage you or stop you as gently and painlessly as possible if something goes wrong.
- Remember that you expect more of yourself than others. You’re the one who worries about achieving little, communicating little, growing little, and not being able to do something. Those around you either don’t care at all, or they don’t care much.
- Build up your compliment bank. To gain confidence, you have to accept that you are a good person and worth something. Remember compliments and other pleasant reactions. Praise yourself. You can even make this bank tangible by writing down nice things and keeping those notes in a nice box.
- Celebrate your own successes. Sometimes it’s easy to overlook them. Ask others to praise you for what they like, and celebrate what you’ve accomplished yourself. Every night, for example.
- Keep an eye on your appearance. Change something about your appearance if you don’t like it: your style, your hairstyle, or even your physique. If you’re happy with your appearance, it’s easier to pay attention to other aspects.
- Be less anxious during conversations. Prepare for them if it’s something important. This will help you think less about saying something stupid or making yourself look bad during the conversation. Concentrate on the other person and what they’re saying: Showing genuine and genuine interest will get you the same in return.
- For a week, write down what goes around in your head when you feel insecure. Examine what you’re really picking on the most and what makes you frustrated.
- Make a list of the things that consistently make you happy. From a good song to some purchases, meetings, or events. Write at least 33 items of varying difficulty. When you get really tired and need some positivity, do something from the list. But don’t run off into pleasant things as soon as you notice that your mood is getting worse. Figure out what’s wrong: it’s important. And only then reward yourself.
- Learn to be wrong. Don’t think you’ve been good at it all your life. Your job is to learn to stop being afraid of failures and falls. Confident people and alpha males fall too, they’re just used to seeing falls as a rewarding and even positive experience. Try it out on the safe: you don’t have to quit your job first. Discover that the fear of falling may not get in the way of action. And then get used to that feeling.
- Don’t try to become a hero in one day. Gaining confidence is a long internal process that takes time, effort, and change. No one can awaken your confidence in a couple of hours or 24 hours.
- Provide a supportive rear: Friends or a psychologist who will be there for you along the way. Hear about difficulties, praise for successes, help with decisions and interpretations of events.
- Remember why you started all this. You’ll have a million reasons to give up. Remember how and why you decided to give yourself confidence, to be open and outgoing. Think back to the guy who thought about how to be more confident with a girl. Compare him to yourself now and rejoice in your progress.
- Don’t listen to those who say you can’t handle it.
- Don’t try to appear to be a better person. Your job is to learn to appreciate yourself for who you are now.
- Allocate yourself “fear hours.” Sit down and concentrate on being afraid for a couple of hours, or as long as you can. Write down what you’re afraid of, how, why. Imagine what might happen if you make a mistake. Just be afraid. When you get tired, set it aside. After a couple of days, reread and rethink what you got then. Some fears will turn out to be unfounded. And the rest will be easier to work with from a calm state.
- Don’t be afraid of the people around you. They don’t want to hurt you, even if you decide that for yourself. They are not interested in making you worse, they have enough to do as it is.
- Try to get rid of perfectionism. You’re not perfect now. And you won’t be perfect when you become confident. The people around you, even the confident ones, are not perfect either. They make mistakes too, and you will continue to make mistakes. There is no such thing as perfect. You need to accept that and think about how to make what you’ve got instead better and more enjoyable.
- Surround yourself with confident people and observe them. How and what do they react to? How do they prioritize? What do they focus on and pay more attention to? What, on the contrary, do they not consider significant? There’s a good chance you’ll learn something important.