There 3 Reasons Why You Should Start Writing To Men First

Do the important events in our lives happen because they were destined to happen or because we strive to make them happen? It is impossible to give an unambiguous answer to this question. Sometimes life-changing events happen without our participation, as a result of fortunate circumstances. However, it also happens that we need to “help” our destiny and the desired events to happen. A German proverb says “jeder ist seines Glückes Schmied”: “everyone is the smith of his own happiness..

When getting to know foreigners on the Internet, many women feel awkward and hesitate to take the first step to start dating. After all, since childhood, many have been taught that “modesty adorns a man,” and the initiative should always come from a man. However, is it true in today’s world? Many things have changed in modern society, and often women who are able to make themselves known loudly are successful.

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Many women who register at an international dating site face a peculiar dilemma: wait until my fate, itself will find me (wait for a letter from a worthy man), or help her in this (write to a man you like first). It is important to understand that when a woman takes the initiative to meet a foreign man on dating websites, this is not a display of imposition, bad manners or promiscuity. It is a manifestation of self-confidence and determination. Don’t forget, foreigners have grown up in a different cultural, economic and political reality and therefore they have slightly different views on many issues.

We give you 3 important reasons why you should put aside fear and prejudice, and start getting to know foreign men first.

1. Women who freely take the initiative to start dating a man on a dating site meet more attractive men than ladies who wait for a man to write first. This fact was confirmed by the research of the American sociologist Derek A. Kreager. Analyzing the sphere of online dating, he concluded that the strategy of active search for a partner is justified for women: active ladies, who wrote to men first, met more attractive men than those ladies who only responded to men’s letters (1).

2. Peculiarities of the mentality of men from Western Europe. We are talking about dating European men, so it is necessary not to forget about the differences in the mentality of Slavic men and Europeans. Women from the countries of the former USSR are used to the way of action of Eastern European men and, starting to communicate with foreigners, they are guided by the experience gained from communication and previous relationships with their compatriots. Europeans, in turn, are used to emancipated European women. Women who, both in business and in relationships, occupy an equal position with men. This means that they feel equal to the man (in public and private life), can openly express their opinion, not to hide their interest in a man and do not wait until he guesses their hidden desires and hints. For this reason, European men are positive about women taking the initiative in dating. For them, women’s initiative is a normal “phenomenon.

Someone might say, “if a European wants to meet a woman from Eastern Europe, let him adjust to our mentality.” It is only natural that many Europeans simply have no experience with Eastern European women They do not know about the “unspoken law of dating,” that is, “the man must write first. It should be taken into account that not all European men can easily understand the peculiarities of women’s mentality just starting to get acquainted with Eastern European women on the Internet – this comes with experience. Therefore, it is natural that at first they believe that a woman, especially a beautiful, spectacular and self-confident, is able to take the initiative and write to the man she likes.

You can read more about the differences in mentality and the misunderstanding that arises from it in the article “Dating foreigners: where does the misunderstanding come from and why do suitors disappear?”

3. Active women have a greater choice of suitors. It’s very simple: active women send letters to more men, they get more responses, and consequently they have more suitors.

Finding a worthy foreign man, often resembles the “trial and error” method. It is necessary to communicate with different men, because it is impossible to predict who will be able to change your life and become your husband. In this situation, active women have an advantage. They “choose” men themselves, instead of waiting, wasting precious time until a man makes his “choice”.

In conclusion, let us note that if “activity” does not bring the desired results, one should pay attention to the selection of photos for a profile on an international dating site; to the criteria that are imposed on suitors; and to the letters sent to men, because not every letter can be answered appropriately. Answers to some questions you will find in other articles in our Blog.


1. Derek A. Kreager, “Where have all the good men gone?” Gendered interactions in online dating. Journal of Marriage and Family, 76, 2/2014, 387-410.

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