Today we would like to dispense with introductory words and go directly to the essence of the problem touched upon. It is possible to make a good impression on a foreign gentleman “with the help” of politeness and good manners. Unfortunately, today such simple and, believe me, appropriate in any situation rules of good manners as greeting or an appropriate form of address (for example, you instead of you, if we address a stranger, or “I don’t quite understand you. Can you please explain to me?” instead of “I don’t understand. What do you want?”) are either deliberately ignored or simply forgotten.

“Nothing costs us so little or so much as politeness.” Cervantes, “Don Quixote.”

These days, the Internet has become available to anyone, and the Internet itself has become a zone of impersonal communication, a “place” where absolutely everyone can afford to do whatever he wants and it will have no effect on his daily life. One can boldly enter, often rude discussions with other users; not stingy in expressions and insults; be rude to other people, insult the dignity of another person; leave snarky comments under photos of celebrities, and then with a quiet conscience and a sense of accomplishment continue to live their “offline” life. After all, we are not face to face with our interlocutor, our “online” opponent, we know nothing about him, about his life, about his emotional state at the moment, and, consequently, we do not perceive him as a full person with feelings.

The field of international dating, dating for serious relationships and creating a family, unfortunately, has not been left out. We remind you that dating and relationships are very delicate topics, rudeness or intolerance are not appropriate here. Everyone wants to meet someone for a long-term romantic relationship, to create a family, in the end, to find love and be happy, not to be ridiculed or humiliated!

Analyzing the letters from men and women who come to our customer service, their personal examples of communication with the opposite sex on international dating sites, we came to the conclusion that very often interlocutors address each other as an impersonal “account.” The culture of writing and communication between people suffers. Letters very often lack a greeting, a person’s name or a polite form of address, the messages themselves are quite short and resemble telegrams, which are purely functional in nature, rather than full-fledged letters from adults. For those who have forgotten or haven’t encountered the now obsolete telegrams, we remind you. In a time when there was no Internet and mobile communication, when long-distance calls were expensive and not every family had a home telephone, people sent each other telegrams. The cost of a telegram varied depending on the number of characters it contained. That’s why each word had to make sense in order to send the telegram in as few characters as possible and thus be cheaper… For example, “I am looking for a serious relationship. This “telegram principle” of writing letters: when there are no subjects or predicate in a sentence, space after a dot or comma, when the idea is transmitted by means of two words – is unacceptable nowadays when dating a foreigner for a serious relationship.

A lack of politeness and tact in correspondence with a foreign man often develops into rudeness. And rudeness has nothing to do with looking for a life partner, with dating for a serious relationship, with the image of a gentle and feminine girl. One of the important rules of communication with other people can be formulated as follows: leave people after communication with you happy and filled with warmth of heart, not devastated and disappointed.

“Politeness and good manners are absolutely necessary to embellish any other virtues and talents.” F. Chesterfield

In correspondence and communication with a foreigner in order to make a good impression and to make it pleasant and easy for the cavalier to communicate with you, don’t forget.:

• Saying hello and goodbye.

• To wish a good day or a good night.

• Saying “thank you” and “please.” Dale Carnegie, in How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, places the ability to be grateful and openly say “thank you” to others in direct correlation with one’s upbringing and cites Dr. S. Johnson as an example: “Gratitude is the result of a person’s high level of moral development. You won’t find it among uncultivated people. (1).

• Responding politely to compliments and thanking. On this point it is necessary to stop in detail. We are sure that every woman is well aware of her attractiveness. However, the answer to a compliment from a foreign beau: “I know I’m beautiful myself” sounds quite rude. The allure of the image of a beautiful and gentle woman can easily be destroyed, all it takes is one rude and inappropriate statement.

• Communicate politely that you don’t understand the interlocutor.

• Watch your spelling and punctuation. Agree that it’s better to calmly reread a message and correct mistakes before sending it than to send a message in a hurry, giving the impression of someone who doesn’t know their native language.

Corresponding with a foreigner, forget:

• Words are parasites and slang. For example, all “cho,” “like,” “piva,” “okie. Such expressions cannot be translated correctly with an electronic translator.

• The imperative form of speech. “Write,” “do,” “call,” “translate.” Instead, it is better to write politely, for example, “I would be glad if you would call me,” “could you write to me about…?”

• About being rude and sarcastic. Foreigners believe that Slavic women are distinguished by their soulfulness, femininity, tenderness, and good breeding. The image of an arrogant rude woman is not part of their idea of Slavic women.

“Just as education, nobility, and honor are absolutely necessary to earn the respect and admiration of men, politeness and good manners are no less necessary to make one desirable and agreeable in conversation and in daily life. “F. Chesterfield

In the end, the purpose of communicating on an international dating site is not to argue and quarrel, but to have a real relationship. A well-mannered and educated foreigner will want to introduce to his parents and friends not an ill-mannered rude girl, but a girl who knows how to make a good impression, has a sense of tact, is polite and courteous in her treatment.

You can find a continuation of this theme in the everyday life of Germans in the article “Dating Germans: On Politeness and Writing Culture.” In that article we talked about how important politeness is in German life and how important it is to be able to write letters politely.

In conclusion, the importance of good manners is emphasized even in the study of foreign languages! In the course of studying any foreign language, a special place is taken by the topic devoted to forms of polite address, the rules of good manners and behavior adopted in the country where the language is spoken.

Some polite forms of speech in German and English