So, how to ask them to send nudes? The secret to asking for sexy photos without offending them
Alex Manley August 23, 2019 Share Tweet Flip 0 Shares
In the past, if you had a nude representation of someone in your possession, it was probably a nude model in a magazine. Now, millions of people walk around with nude images of regular people in their pockets in the form of digital images someone sent them.
As cell phones proliferated and smartphone cameras began to actually work, cameras looked downright pedestrian, and the concept of the nude image flourished as well. In the last decade, nudes have become an incredibly common currency of modern dating. Nowadays, you can exchange nudes with someone you matched with on Tinder without ever meeting them in real life.
Just because nudes themselves are popular and commonplace these days doesn’t mean you, in particular, have access to them. Depending on your relationship status and your place in the general dating ecosystem, you may have been sent hundreds or none at all.
And if you’re new to the nude game, you may be wondering how to get involved. How can you convince someone to send you their exact nude pictures? Well, a number of real-life sex and dating experts are here to sort it all out.
1. Is it okay to ask for nudes?
If no one has offered to send you nudes, you may think it’s time to ask around instead of waiting indefinitely for something that may never come.
And you’d be right – sort of.
Asking a partner for a nude can be a good move if you’re already flirting or sexting , says NYC-based dating coach Connell Barrett. Nude swapping can simply be a fun, sexy form of escalation. For the right two people, sharing nudes can be an adrenaline rush that makes you both feel desired and sexy. It can enhance the connection and attraction you both already feel.
But, he notes, remember to never send unwanted acts. Always make sure the other person has consented to receiving your images.
Jess O’Reilly, Ph.D., host of the @SexWithDrJess podcast agrees that sending and receiving nudes depends heavily on the person in question.
It depends on your partner, she says. Some people love sending files, others don’t. It’s not just about how long you’ve been together or how well you know your partner. Some people are open to sending nudes from the beginning, others aren’t interested in sending nudes after years of marriage. It’s a matter of personal preference and there is no right or wrong way to feel.
Not sure if the person you want to see naked is a nude sharer or not? There is an easy way to find out.
Ask your partner how they feel about sharing nudes, O’Reilly says, and respect their preferences – you don’t want to pressure them to do something they’re not comfortable with.
If you’re in a relationship with the person you’re asking, have some level of consideration for the question. Even if they decline, you probably have the opportunity to explain yourself (and smooth things over if they have a bad taste in their mouth). However, if you’re asking for a crush, an online dating match, or an acquaintance, it’s much more complicated.
With a crush (someone you don’t know very well), you want to pay even more attention to their feelings, notes O’Reilly. Some people find being asked about files offensive and aggressive. So ask them more generally how they feel about sending files, rather than sending a direct request. Be specific: ‘How do you feel about sharing nude photos?’ If they are open, ask what circumstances are ideal for requesting/sharing photos. ‘
2. Why nudes are complicated, explains
Depending on your experience, it may be obvious to you that acts are somewhat complicated – or not. Unsure what that means? Sharing or exchanging sexy pictures with someone else seems like the most natural thing in the world for you, but it’s worth noting that there are several valid reasons someone may not want to.
Someone might decline a request for records for very good reasons, Barrett says. They may be self-conscious about their body or afraid you’ll share the photos with others. You want to completely respect their reasons if they decline, and never harass them.
This second reason is probably the root of many reluctance when it comes to nudes.
We never know what the future holds! says Mayla Green, sex and relationship coach at TheAdultToyShop.com . When the relationship turns sour and the couple breaks up on bad terms, it’s a scary thought to know that your ex has nude photos in their possession. They may try to get revenge and post them online. Once a nude photo is shared online, it is virtually impossible to remove it. This is the real concern of most people, but they will not say it directly because it implies that the relationship will end badly.
Instead, they might offer alternative excuses such as low self-esteem or poor body image. While this does not mean that these excuses are entirely fictitious, it is possible that lack of confidence plays a larger role in the other person’s unwillingness to share.
Another factor to consider? The fact that women’s acts are often treated differently than men’s because of aspects of our culture known as slut-shaming.
There are no universal differences, but women are often scrutinized more closely for expressing themselves sexually, O’Reilly says. This is not always the case and can vary depending on a number of factors – including your age, sexual orientation, relationship status, race and body type.
Still, the possibility exists that a woman will face some form of slut-shaming It’s a real problem to have shared an act only once. Ultimately, though, nude sharing is about trust, Barrett says. If the other person doesn’t trust you, they won’t send you a nude.
3. How you should ask for nudes?
At this point, you should be up to date on the fact that asking for files can be difficult, and that there is a good chance that you will be turned away for reasons that are not entirely within your control.
However, this does not mean there is no value in finding a tactful way to discuss the issue. The truth is, many people – yes, even women! – want to share nude photos. For the same reasons you may want to share your own, other people may want to share theirs.
But until you know how the other person feels about nudes, you will probably look bad. As with many other things in life and dating, you’re unlikely to get what you want if you come off as creepy, a jerk, or a sex maniac.
Don’t just say ‘send me nudes.’ Directness is not the answer, Barrett says. A good way to do that-for heterosexual men dating women-is to look for the right time.
Bringing up the subject when you’re both in the mood reduces the likelihood that you’ll focus on just one thing, according to Barrett, because it’s a more natural transition.
The way to ask someone to send a nude is to sincerely compliment them on how sexy and beautiful they are. Remember, simply asking someone to send you nudes can cause emotional distress. They may feel objectified or insecure about their body. Let them know how attractive and sexy they are first. Your job is to make sure they feel beautiful and desired, regardless of whether they decide to pose for you and click ‘send’.
He suggests telling her how much you miss her body.
‘Maybe you could send me some sexy pictures of yourself to remind me.’
It’s not so much about the words, but about slowly getting you both to a place where you share X-rated pictures, Barrett notes, and having a fun, sexy time with them.
And if you have any doubts? It wouldn’t hurt to just gauge how interested she is in the concept of sharing files-especially good advice if you don’t know each other well yet.
Ask them if they’re interested in sharing files, O’Reilly says. Present it as an option, as opposed to something you want to convince them of.
Want to take and share nude pictures?
You can also offer to share your nude if this is something that interests you.
If your request is shot down, it is important to handle the situation without being pushy or rude.
Don’t worry about saving face, she adds. Instead, show respect to your partner, regardless of gender.
As exciting as it may be to receive a nude, you have no right to see anyone’s nudes, and you can’t earn to see them simply by doing a certain thing or set of things. Nudes are always something that is shared when the sender feels like it, and you cannot force anyone to feel anything.
However, if you know how to broach the subject without being a jerk or a sneak-and you’re respectful enough to recognize why someone might not want to say yes-your chances will definitely improve.
And that’s the naked truth.
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