As in everyday life, in international dating, the impression of the other person, their desire to start or continue communicating, depends on how we have addressed them: on the words chosen, the content of the first message and its tone.
If you wait for the most opportune moment, you’ll never move; it takes a little bit of madness to take the first step.Paulo Coelho, The Book of the Warrior of Light
Today we’d like to touch on the topic of first message and talk about what’s important when writing a first message and what mistakes you can make.
The first message on an international dating site is a step towards you, it is a manifestation of your desire to get to know each other and your interest in learning more about the other person. Not every dating attempt can be successful and not every message will have the desired effect, so it is important to learn how to write interesting, personalized letters that will interest a foreign man in getting to know you.
Your first message can be a variety of ways to approach a woman. You could introduce yourself and the purpose of your introduction; explain why you are interested in the woman you are meeting and politely ask the question you want to get across to her so she can continue the process.
On the other hand, everyone is different and not everyone is given to easily, without a good reason or excuse, start talking about themselves to a stranger or answer their questions. If you don’t feel comfortable asking questions or talking about yourself in the first email you send, exclude personal information and personal details from your first email. Instead, you can make your letter original and unobtrusive! A little fantasy, a little wit and attention to the man’s profile, the interests indicated in it, the photos you added. An original message will make the person you are talking to smile and attract his attention.
What should you pay special attention to when composing the first message for a foreigner?
- Do not forget to say hello and address the man by his name. Every man feels good when he feels attention is directed at him. Messages without a name give the impression of impersonal messages sent to many men.
- Consider the content of the message. The kind of thoughts that filled your first message should reflect the depth of your views, the beauty of your inner world. As we noted earlier, photos attract men to your profile – it’s a visual factor that influences a man’s interest in dating. Photos, however, cannot reflect your values and your inner world – it is a task of a well-considered and properly composed letter.
- Stress the fact that you’ve reviewed the woman’s profile. Read what he has written about you, and check out his interests and hobbies. You may have a common passion, you both play sports or like to read books, or maybe you are just a simple human desire to be happy… Check out his photos and see if he included a picture of his pet or a photo from a trip to another country.
- The first message should provide an impetus for further conversation. At the end of your message, instead of “tell us about yourself,” feel free to ask a question! Formulate your question in such a way that it cannot be answered unambiguously: “yes”, “no” or “okay”.
- Let us tell you a secret, Europeans often complain that Slavic women rarely ask questions or show their interest in communicating with a man. Make other women’s passivity in communicating with foreign suitors your advantage! 😉
- Special attention should be paid to spelling and punctuation. Errors made in a message made in a foreign language are understandable and forgivable. An illiterate message in your own language looks strange. Was it sent in a hurry or were the errors due to inattention and disregard for the other person?
- Translate your message into German or English.
- Pay attention to the tone in which the message is written. The tone of the first letter should be friendly, polite and tactful. An orderly, imperative tone has no place here!
- Remember to say goodbye and have a good day!
Mistakes that can affect the impression made by a first letter:
- The wrong tone of the letter: suspicious, rude, or implicitly accusatory. It’s a fact that dishonest men can be found on dating sites. However, you should not hint at this in your first message to the man you want to get to know, telling him he may very well be a dishonest character. Communication and acquaintance should begin and be built on mutual trust.
- The message is written and sent in Russian, without translation.
- The letter is a biography. It is a long message in which all significant facts of the biography are listed briefly and monotonously. Having read such a letter, a man already knows everything about the woman and it is difficult for him to find a topic for further communication.
- An impersonal “Hello! How are you?” or a minimalist “Hi”. Such messages can be difficult to answer and don’t reflect a real interest in getting to know this person.
- A meaningful wink – 😉
In conclusion we would like to note that the most effective way to assess the correctness of your address to another person, in our opinion, is to answer a simple question: what will be your own reaction, what will you feel and think, having received such a message from a man? Will it interest you, make you smile or leave you indifferent?