That’s right: you’ve landed yourself a shy girl. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course. You would take a shy tigress over a howling hyena any day.

Now that you’ve already participated in dates number four and five and are pretty sure you like them, how can you help her break out of her shell and open up a bit? It’s certainly possible, but remember that you’re not trying to change anyone – just trying to let go of the wild animal that lives somewhere inside her.

Her royal restraint

Let’s get right to this woman’s shyness, as it will determine what method you will use. Is she secretive when it comes to her personal life? Is she always quiet when you are out together? Is she only reserved and closed when she is with others, especially people she doesn’t know? Does she only tense up when you are both in bed or at least trying to get under the covers?

Determine what makes your girlfriend so shy and what triggers her shy behavior. She could just be the type who gradually opens up as she gets to know a person, or she could have been the one who was in the corner since elementary school.

Whatever shy girl she is, there are several ways you can break her out of her shell.

Pick her up

Take small steps
A good way to encourage someone to warm up is to approach gradually. Don’t expect her to open up to you right away. It may take some time for her to feel comfortable enough to talk to your friends, family, and even you. She will eventually feel at home with you if you are patient and careful.

Calm her down
Although she is shy, you have certainly gotten glimpses of her personality. If you can see that she has a great sense of humor after she makes a funny (and unexpected) joke, tell her how funny she is. And if you catch her talking to your brother after you meet him, reassure her by saying how much you love that she is so personable. Positive reinforcement always works in your favor and brings her closer to that comfort.

Make gradual introductions
If she feels comfortable with you but checks in as soon as you throw her into a new crowd, introduce her to a minimal number of friends at a time first. Going out in a new social setting can be intimidating to even the most confident person. So before you take her to your buddy Joe’s birthday party, make sure she’s met at least one or two of your friends to help her feel more reassured. And don’t get frustrated if she doesn’t want to go with you, especially if you’ve been dating for less than a month.

Listen to her
The ability to listen is a great tool, and in case you’re wondering, no, it’s not the same as listening. When you’re on a date and getting your woman to open up is like pulling teeth, ask her about her interests and things you know she has a passion for. She may just need that little push to get started, and when it comes to talking about her passion for photography, just make sure you’re all ears.

Listening intently will encourage her to open up and talk, and she’ll gain your trust. And if you prove you are listening, getting her to be quiet could become your next problem.

When you take her out with your group of friends, whether it’s a party or a double date, bring up a topic that you know will get her talking, such as her trip to Asia or her love of Indian cuisine. Feeding her the topics will encourage her to talk among a crowd.