Maybe you didn’t want to fall in love with a married man, but it happened anyway. Maybe you like the lifestyle he can offer you, the fancy gifts you get, and the trips he takes you on. Or maybe you enjoy the intellectual stimulation he offers and the worldview this possibly older man can share. Maybe you like the fact that he’s not always available to you because you’re not ready to commit – many women go through a similar experience type of relationship – or maybe you didn’t even know he was married when you first met.
Disclaimer: In the Barmaid’s Bible, we acknowledge the many reasons a woman might choose to date a married man. Dating a married man is generally frowned upon and can have very real legal, emotional and moral consequences. And if he has children, you need to consider their feelings as well. Proceed with caution if you decide to do this!
Whatever the reason, if you have decided to marry a married man, we have some advice for you.
1. Keep it low
If you have decided to meet a married man, it is best to keep it a secret. You may think about telling your best friend, but you can be pretty sure that she will also tell at least one other person, who will in turn tell others… and so on. Remember, you really can’t let your family or the people you work with know, because they probably won’t agree. And when that happens, it can get messy.
He’ll also want to keep the relationship a secret. He doesn’t want to risk anyone he knows (or his wife) seeing him with you. So you can’t just go anywhere you want when dating a married man. You have to sneak around. And that means you won’t be able to meet his friends or attend events with him either. Public displays of affection are definitely a no-no!
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This post has some tips on how to keep it a secret.
2. Be ready in case his wife confronts you
If his wife finds out, she might confront you, so be ready for that. He may have lied to his wife about how the affair really happened, so be ready to hear some wild stories. For example, you can be sure that he told his wife that you initiated the affair, even if he did.
If she wants to meet with you, do not invite her to your home. She might get violent with you. If you agree to the meeting, do it in a public place instead and tell a friend what you are doing.
Don’t be emotional. Keep the meeting as businesslike as possible. Hear her out and then leave. There is no need to be nasty and make his wife feel worse than she already does by, for example, telling her that he picked you. Because he really didn’t. Cheating is not a sign that he wants to marry you.
3. Make sure he takes a shower before you return home….
This is not the only thing he should do to avoid getting caught, but it is quite important.
If you are satisfied with the affair, it is to your advantage to keep it secret from his wife as long as possible. Here are four ways that alert any suspicious woman you can point out to him:
- Make sure he doesn’t dress better or wear cologne (even if you like it) just because he sees you. His wife will suspect that something is wrong.
- If you are someone his wife knows, like someone from the office, advise him not to bring up your name in casual conversation. The more he mentions your name, the more she will begin to connect the dots.
- Have him get a cell phone that his wife doesn’t know about (or have him get one of the apps we’ll discuss next that will help him cheat in secret). It’s very easy for her to browse through his regular phone, where she’ll discover everything.
- If you change the radio station in his car, make sure he changes it again when he leaves. His wife won’t think he’s suddenly interested in alternative music or country music when he’s never liked any genre before. In fact, it’s best to avoid places where she has access.
4. Apps that let you keep things hot but secret
If you are dating a married man, keeping the relationship a secret from his wife is of utmost importance if you want to sail smoothly. Tell your husband about these apps he may want to use on his phone to hide your sexting . We have integrated apps for iOS, Android and BlackBerry.
- Slydial: This app for iOS and Android sends him directly to your voicemail when he calls you. This way, there is no chance that he will actually have to talk to you and risk getting caught.
- Fox Private Message: With this app for Android, he can simply shake his phone in case he is texting or sexting with you and his wife. Shaking the phone will erase all the evidence. And if he leaves his phone in the room where his wife is likely to see it, he can use this app to send an SMS code that will delete all texts to and from you.
- Black Book: If he has a BlackBerry, he can use an app called BlackBook. It’s an interpretation of the real black books that men, gamers, had before smartphones existed. This app separates you (and anyone else he wants to include here) as his contact from the rest of his contact list. He has to enter a secret code to get to the app, and BlackBook disguises your name when you call his phone.
- Vaulty Stocks: This app for Android is for stocks, but it’s really important to hide all the sexy photos you send him. This one is only good as long as his wife doesn’t know about it, and if he knows about it and you know about it, it’s likely that his wife knows about it too.
- Spy Pix: This app does the same thing as Vaulty Stocks, but for iOS. However, it is a better app because it masks the images with an innocent decoy image and requires you to enter a code to view the real photos.
- TigerText: This app for iOS and Android deletes messages he sends to your inbox. Now he knows you can’t blackmail him later and vice versa.
A majority of messaging apps also include password-protected areas to hide evidence of your affair.
Despite all this, it is not a good thing to meet a married man, especially if he is in a happy marriage and / or has children. No matter what he tells you about his wife, she is the one he married. If they have children, she and he raise them together.
They only come in for a thrill to liven up his marriage. They eventually become routine as the novelty wears off. Even if this guy tells you that his marriage is bad or that he is separated, the bottom line is that his marriage is his business. You are a threat to his marriage. You are putting yourself in a place where you don’t belong.
And consider this: He’s a liar. You know he is when he keeps you a secret from his wife. So, if he’s lying to her, why do you think he’s not lying to you? He could be ‘cheating’ on you too. If he is or he isn’t, he is using you to meet his own needs more than he cares about your needs.
End the affair
Do this if you are dating a married man and the situation becomes too intense, goes further than you want it to go, or doesn’t go in the direction you want it to go. Remember: you are putting your life on hold for a married man who is unlikely to change his life for you. If he really thought you were his “soul mate” or whatever he was feeding you, he wouldn’t put you in a position to be “the other woman.” And your affair may not be about love!
If you feel that you are wasting your precious time, especially if it turns out that there is little chance of a future for you, cut it off. Let him know that you won’t be seeing him or returning his calls or texts. In fact, you should prevent him from contacting you. You need to be strong and not go back, no matter how convincing he may be. This will only bring you back to where you started when you knew it was time to end it. It will be difficult at first, but after a while the discomfort will pass and you can move on to a new chapter of your life.
There are many fish in the sea, so it is advisable not to date a married man at all. If you are honest with yourself, you are probably not proud of what you are doing. You are leading a double life, sneaking around while your lover arranges secret meetings with you. When you date a married man, you have to get used to spending the vacations without the man in your life, and you can’t go to events that are important to him.
Also, relationships that start this way usually don’t last. Men rarely leave their wives for the other woman – read more Here. But even if he divorces his wife for you, chances are your relationship won’t last. There is too much blame and lying for him to handle.
You may have heard the line ‘If he does it to you, he will do it to you.’ Heard. You can’t trust a man who has come into being with you through deception. You have a better chance of finding lasting love with someone who is available than the kind of relationship you have when you date a married man.