Stop Being Jealous! Jealousy is a feeling most of us are familiar with. Some have felt its sting only a few times in their lives, while others are jealous almost constantly. But the effect of jealousy as a relationship-destroying feeling is a fact proven by numerous experiences and time. We tell you about whether you should be jealous and control the guy, why women get jealous and how to overcome jealousy of the guy and not to wind yourself up in a relationship.
Stop Being Jealous! How to deal with feelings of jealousy and start trusting a man
To defeat jealousy, you must first recognize it. Do you admit that you are jealous? Often the first problem with jealousy is that the person experiencing it doesn’t notice his feelings fully. “He’s a bastard and looks at others more than he looks at me” and “I don’t like that I don’t get more attention than everyone else” are two very different formulations. If you’re closer to the first for now, you’ll have to start by getting closer to the second.
For this to happen, it is necessary to recognize that your feelings are your responsibility. The other person can provoke them, but he cannot control them. Jealousy is your feeling. And it is your task to deal with it. You don’t have to change your attitude toward your partner.
Then it’s worth figuring out what your jealousy is. This feeling can be very different, and to begin with, figure out how objective it is.
- Is there something the young man is doing that makes you doubt his fidelity?
- Is it direct adultery or something that you think might lead to it?
Jealousy may well exist only in your mind – that is, your partner doesn’t give a single reason, but you’re still jealous. Don’t be frightened by this turn of events, it can also be worked with. At the very least you can for your confidence win him over again or conquer your feeling with trust.
The first step in replacing jealousy with trust is to examine yourself and your feelings. It’s scary, and it will entail realizations you may not like. It will also lead to conclusions and actions that you may not have wanted in the first place. You may need to talk to your partner.
- You may find that you don’t know how to trust people.
- Perhaps, having understood the nature of your jealousy and its causes, you will come to the conclusion that you will have to break up with a man, despite all his awesomeness. Then feel free to register on the JuliaDates dating site and start looking for a partner to your liking.
Beginning to trust someone whose fidelity we have doubted in one way or another is not an easy process. The main thing to be prepared for is that you will never have enough solid ground under your feet. There will never be a hundred percent guarantee that a man is not cheating and will not do so in the future. There will never be a way to make yourself not be jealous of the man you love. Because. Jealousy is your feeling., your internal process, and controlling it is your task. You will either choose to believe or not. Your faith and your choice is the only support available.
What is jealousy and why does it arise
Jealousy is a slightly modified jealousy based on one’s own insecurities. It is the feeling that you are not good enough, from which the constant suspicions are born: your partner will surely choose someone better. Why would he want such an unattractive you when there are so many beautiful girls around. In English there is only one word for jealousy and envy: jealousy. And just their language perfectly emphasizes the true state of affairs.
When a man is jealous, he does not recognize his own merits, his own worth. He is incapable of fully realizing that his partner has chosen him over all others–for his virtues, for his characteristics, regardless of his faults. Chosen exactly as this person is. Agreed with it.
A jealous man always doubts his partner’s choice because he can’t accept the fact that he is good enough, doesn’t believe in it. Because of this, by the way, jealous people often cheat themselves-they are not sure of themselves, and in order to increase their confidence or out of constant fear of losing an existing relationship they go on to cheat.
Insecurity causes subjective jealousy – these are the cases when you don’t understand how to stop being jealous of a guy to all the girls. But there are also objective reasons, which a person provokes by his behavior. If you are not a person prone to jealousy, this can be quickly dealt with, but not the fact that in this point everything is smooth.
Meet the five horsemen of the apocalypse-the most common causes of jealousy:
- Lack of self-confidence. Something that has been said a lot before this line. An inability to accept oneself as a healthy person and a lack of confidence in one’s choice of partner.
- Lack of information. We begin to suspect something when we see that we are not being told everything. The more fog a young man puts on, the more doubts a girl will have about his fidelity-because if he’s not doing anything taboo, why hide anything? Just ask him the right questions and find out everything at once.
- Information Background in Relationships. If a guy is constantly talking about other girls around him, paying attention to them on the street (both his own and yours), bringing up exes – it’s a sin not to suspect that other women are taking up too much space in his life.
- Having a girl friend. She was before you, he was friends with her and during other relationships and treats her like a friend or like a little sister. They both emphasize that their companionship carries no threat to the relationship, but girls in this situation often have an anxiety and a sore feeling that he could leave you at any time and move her from the rank of friend to the rank of girlfriend.
- Straightforward Evidence. You see him flirting with other girls. You know that he is prone to cheating. You have already experienced at least one. This point is relevant when you really have reason to suspect him of infidelity, either existing or potential.
What jealousy leads to and why you should get rid of it
A jealous girl is a fearful and powerful creature. Most likely, her first thought is not how to solve the problem of jealousy, but how to prevent infidelity.
She would move mountains to watch the guy’s every move. She will know more about him than he knows himself. She’ll be ugly ways to eliminate threats, scandalized, nervous, constantly suspecting something and looking for proof of her suspicions. She will look like a bitch. But often this will come out of a search for safety-she can’t handle her jealousy, doesn’t know how to overcome her sense of ownership and how to overcome her jealousy and distrust of her man, so she tries any way she can to prevent him from making a mistake.
Now imagine what such a relationship looks like: The guy can’t even sneeze without her knowing about it. She prying into all his affairs, demanding reports on everything, carefully monitoring his surroundings and trying to influence him. In fact, she just suffocates him, gradually cutting him off from things and people important to him in the name of her own sense of security. Most likely, he will not want to bend to this. All attempts to stop this process will lead to her tears and scandals and will have no result except to increase her suspicions – he doesn’t want to give up his life, so there is obviously something or someone better than her there. Obviously, this relationship will not last long and will bring a lot of misery and a minimum of pleasure.
Getting rid of jealousy should be done for your own comfort. In the name of the very possibility of a healthy relationship-because you can’t have one if you don’t trust each other. If your jealousy stems from an inner feeling of inferiority, then getting rid of it will lead to gaining self-confidence. And this will be a big plus not only for the relationship, but also for the rest of life.
A jealous girl wastes a lot of energy. She has to simultaneously strangle her partner, live under terrible stress and perpetual suspicion, engage in incessant spying, waste energy on scandals and attempts to solve problems through external means rather than by working on herself. Just imagine how much can be accomplished if you put all that resource to good use. You might be interested in saving your energy for such destructive activities. Learn how to get rid of suspicions and not to be jealous. Spend that enormous amount of energy on healthy relationships, careers, hobbies, studies – anything that brings more pleasure and benefit.
How to extinguish jealousy and doubts about the guy you love: tips from psychologists
Psychologists have long given advice on how to learn not to be jealous of your man. And answered the question of whether it is possible to get rid of distrust of a guy. Clients who come with the question “What to do if I’m jealous of a guy to everyone?” are quite a lot. Of course, it is better to go to a specialist on your own to solve the problem, taking into account your peculiarities and the subtleties of your case.
But we’ll share five tips to help you start putting your head and relationships in order and give you a clearer view of the problem and the situation.
- Find the roots of your jealousy. Trace whether the man is doing something that arouses suspicion and jealousy, or whether your jealousy exists somewhat separate from reality and is not based on facts.
- Admit to yourself that you are afraid of losing your partner. Get over this fear, admit it. Don’t try to convince yourself otherwise. People really are capable of deception, and it can happen at any moment, even if you don’t expect it at all and the young man is really in love and inclined to be faithful. To calm the fear, you must first accept it. The situation really is, and there is no way to reassure yourself. Nevertheless, you have chosen this man. He also chose you. Yes, that may change, but until it does, it is pointless to fear such a turnaround. When the fear is accepted, make sure that right now you have no reason for it. If so, you won’t end up crushing your own feelings (which never leads to anything good), but you won’t focus on the irrelevant ones either.
- If jealousy has a real reason, talk to your partner about it. Explain that you’re worried about him flirting with other girls or that he’s spending too little time with you, in your opinion. And if he offers to break up, forget it and let him go.
Use “me-messages” so that responsibility is properly allocated. Not “you ignore me because of friends and work,” not “you make me nervous when you flirt with others,” but “I worry because you give me less time than I’d like,” “I worry when you show such attention to other girls. That way the responsibility is shared correctly, the person isn’t offended, and you communicate your own feelings and reactions rather than blaming him for them.
- Try to reinforce your fear. You can do this through the body by concentrating on it and taking a position that asks for it. Reinforce this position: if you’re frozen, tense your muscles. If your shoulders and arms droop, lower them as hard as you can. If you feel like shrinking into a lump, let it be as tight as possible. By intensifying the bodily sensations, you’ll help your feelings to the maximum, and you’ll be able to live them out. Think about where your fear or jealousy is leading you. Let’s say you’re afraid he’s spending a lot of time with another girl. What then? Over time, communicating with her will become more important than communicating with you. And then what? Continue the chain until you get to the root of it-the same big fear that created jealousy. That way you’ll know more about her and yourself, and it’ll be easier to work with her from there.
- Ask your partner for support. If you only feel that he doesn’t pay enough attention to you, ask for that attention. He will give it to you if he really appreciates and loves you. To begin with you can not talk about incipient jealousy, just ask him to be with you longer, arrange something together, ask him to tell you about his feelings or do something nice. The partner may not realize that you are missing something. The relationship will not break down if you ask for more attention or even describe approximately how much you need it in principle. On the contrary, you may not need to return to this topic, and he will know how to treat you properly.