Irina’s International Dating Experience

I want to tell you about my experience on an international dating site.
Share with the female audience my mistakes, which seem quite typical in the field of international online dating.

I registered on an international dating site (I will not tell you the name of the site) at the age of 43. (Join Adult Dating – MeetKing) Initially I used passive search because I had no idea what advantages active search gives me, and also because of the Russian mentality – ladies are not supposed to be the first to show their affection to a man. By passively looking or, so to speak, waiting for a “prince” to show up and doing nothing, I lost some of my precious time. (Also Read: DATING FOREIGNERS: DO WE HAVE COMMON GOALS?)

Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)

Everything started as usual, I created a questionnaire on an international dating site, posted photos, wrote general phrases about myself, without emphasis on the individual uniqueness of my personality, and general phrases, what age and having what qualities of a man I see near me. The age of the chosen one indicated from 43 to 50 years. I want to correct this age, taking into account my current experience and the characteristics of men here in Europe (they retain their masculine health and at age 50 +, watching their appearance, lead an active lifestyle, travel). Add 2 years to your age, a man wants to be near a woman younger than himself and this must be accepted, now add another 10 years and you have the age range of your chosen one. This will help you expand the range of communication. In my example, I write – I want to meet a man from 45 to 55 years.

Next, I waited for a backlash. At the beginning of my journey, I took every interest and heart that was sent to me seriously. However, later, in the process of further communication, I realized that there are men who can show interest in you for years without even trying to move on to communication. And there is another type of men who write letters and enjoy your new photos. I have also met men, in my case 2 times, who have shown interest in the material side of things.

I was in a rather long correspondence with a man, without any visual communication (video call), being satisfied with his narration about life and its complexities, and receiving some very “vague” pictures. Their number was also limited and gave the impression that they were not relevant. Because of my inexperience, I didn’t pay much attention to this, I was happy to communicate. And I was quite surprised by his question about my apartment. He painted me a picture of our life together and my contribution to our future together was defined by selling my apartment in Russia. For all my inexperience and idealization of the dating sphere, there were “bells” going off in my head. Firstly I had not seen this man, the image was formed on the basis of photos and letters. Secondly, if you are offered to make a material contribution to a relationship that doesn’t exist in reality, it’s a scam.

On the background of this experience I came to the following conclusions: it is necessary to see and speak with a man, to see his eyes, his reactions to separate, interesting in psychological knowledge of personality topics, to observe his style of behavior and communication, his readiness for constructive communication, his attitude towards me as a person, and the frequency of our visual and verbal communication.

This experience was formed as a result of my interactions with some men who were sitting in the dark, or who could not talk loudly and were nervous, could cut off communication at any time, explaining their behavior by, for example, not wanting their daughter to catch them communicating. The time of communication with such men was not defined; they called whenever it was convenient for them.

They were not free men, they had their own communication goals, different from mine. If you are attentive, you can immediately identify inconsistencies in a man’s behavior. So, be careful!

Но не только к мужчине, но и к себе самой, как вы ведёте себя в разговоре, какая информация исходит от вас, какое впечатление производите вы, ваша настроенность на конструктивное общение, насколько ваша манера общения, открытость и улыбка привлекают мужчину.

One of the main encounters on an international dating site was my meeting with myself

At first, when registering on a dating site with foreigners, nothing seemed to change in me. A little effort to register and that’s all. And who told you that while waiting for a new meeting and a new relationship, you don’t need to change yourself! Become new, ready for that relationship?

Subsequently, communication on an international dating site organized me, gave me the impetus to accomplish things and improve myself.

My self-organization and improvement took place in the following areas:

• learning a foreign language – learning grammar and consolidating knowledge in the process of communication with a native speaker. Here there was both written and oral communication, and listening skills when communicating on Skype. At the same time, language learning and communication took a new form, it gave a push to be more interested in a man, I listened more attentively and asked questions. Superficial communication disappeared. When you learn a language, there is a more intense interconnection and a kind of cooperation in communication.
• Study the literature on the psychology of personality and communication.
• Studying life, political structure, customs of Germany, mentality of its inhabitants. It not only broadens your horizons, but also gives you more topics for communication. An opportunity to hear the opinion and interests of the person you are talking to.
• Organizing my day – every day had to be in process – checking email, answering emails, scheduling time for visual communication (video call). You have to be especially consistent in this aspect of time organization. This is very important because it shows you and the man how determined you are in your desire to find a life partner.
• Personal grooming – a visit to a fitness studio, a facial massage. Before visual communication, you need time to refresh your makeup, put on nice clothes, prepare yourself emotionally for the meeting – to put your thoughts and mood in order. The principle of “let him see me for who I am” does not work here. A gloomy, sour look on your face will not add any trumps to your deck.

The universal law of “like to like” works

It is necessary to understand yourself, to consider yourself as a person. Before you expect anything from someone, you need to understand yourself, determine on what level you will look for a man and communicate with him. Think about the questions: “What can I bring to a harmonious relationship, how do I see myself in another country, what would I like to do there?

Work on improving oneself, one’s state of mind, one’s emotional stability leads to the emergence of a new image of oneself, to another level of communication.