While it’s normal for your partner to be more into you than them, and vice versa, depending on the month or time, relationship coach and therapist Kristy de Leon says it’s important to notice how extreme the balancing act is. Depending on what’s going on in the relationship, one person will usually feel like they’re giving more love than the other person, she says. However, it’s important to recognize that these are “moments” unless, of course, the partner has become physically or mentally ill. Then the person must decide if they want to be in such a relationship and can accept the new limitations on their partner’s affection. Or if the person feels that it has been months since they put most of the love and effort, then it is time to talk. It is not healthy for the person or the relationship to be one-sided – then it is not a healthy relationship; It is an arrangement out of convenience.

So what are some signs that it’s not just a phase where you’re focusing more on her in an unhealthy way? Here, dating and love experts explain the signs that she loves you more – and whether or not you should hit the road.

1. You do what she says

So your friends have planned a big trip together, but she wants to have a romantic weekend on the spur of the moment. If you try to negotiate for another weekend, she shuts down. Because you don’t want to lose your baby, you give in – even though she hasn’t compromised at all. Whether she’s asking for a favor or wanting to go to a certain restaurant, she’s running the show, Patt explains. This could be because you’re not used to being with a woman who knows what she wants, and you’ve fallen completely in love with her. If you can never get her to compromise, it means she never prioritizes your needs – ever. And you need to reevaluate why you’re with her.

2. You always text first

You kind of suggested seeing a concert and having dinner the last time you were together, but she didn’t confirm anything or make an effort to see you Friday night. If you’re always reaching for your phone to schedule all the dates without making any effort on her part, Patt says it’s worth raising an eyebrow. You’re putting in all that hard work when it comes to dating and continuing to build the relationship, she says. It shows that you continue to plan those dates to make her happy, while the woman may just be going through the motions. Want to test the waters? Keep quiet for a few days and see how long it takes her to take the lead.

3. You remember the milestones

When a woman is truly (madly, deeply) in love with you, she won’t forget any detail of the time you spent together. From the first kiss to the time you first made her orgasm or told her you loved her, those visions will be ingrained in her mind (and on her lips to tell her friends). But if you’re the one telling birthdays, anniversaries and sweets and she just forgets them, Patt says she may not be as invested in the relationship as you are.

4. You post more than she does

When you’re out together, we suggest you take a selfie for Facebook. Or you update your status about your ‘friend’ – while her page stays pretty quiet. The fact is, when you’re crazy about someone, you want to share your affection with those you love, and okay, online too. (It’s a gentle kind of humble brag, right?) If your girlfriend isn’t at all willing to go public, De Leon says she may not be being honest with you. As women, we love to share things we get involved in and be completely honest about what we want to show. So if she’s not posting anything or very little, but he is, that’s something she should look at, she explains. Is she trying to hide the relationship? Is she starting to emotionally leave the relationship?

5. You ask her out and she is always busy

At the beginning of a relationship, we naturally want to be with the person a lot. However, there’s a difference between going out every other night and being with the person 24/7. A relationship needs room to breathe in order to grow, De Leon says. So if you’re spending several nights a week together and want to introduce her to your friends and family, but she’s not having it, that could be a sign that she’s not falling as hard or feeling overwhelmed . She might feel suffocated when she’s together a lot, and it interferes with getting to know the person from a more objective perspective, De Leon says. You’re not able to see things up close that you could see from a distance.