Touching is the part of interaction that often gets scared. A thousand questions arise that get in the way of moving from theory to practice. How do you touch a girl you like? How do you hug her when you meet her, how do you touch a girl in the right way to make her feel good, and what is the meaning of touching a woman in general? Closer to the body – closer to the point. The first and most important step is not to be timid. And about the rest I will tell you in the article.
Content of the article:
How and where to touch a girl correctly
What touches should be
First date: At what point is it okay to
Basic rules for touching if you’ve known each other for a long time
How she reacts: does she need it
How and where to touch a girl correctly
It’s impossible to make a list of occasions, suitable body parts and places in town where you should use different types of touching. And it’s actually great – you get some room for maneuvering and creativity.
There was strict tactile etiquette in the nineteenth century, and that both added a certain attraction and completely took away the ability to build a relationship in a comfortable format. A girl and a boy have mutual interest, but they can touch each other only when greeting, saying goodbye and during the ball. Such an order makes one more reverent about these moments and about touching in general, but it is very constraining.
Now it is convenient to achieve a perfect compromise: embrace the girl when you want to, hold her hand, stroke her hair, but for greetings and goodbyes leave, for example, a “ritual” kiss. It doesn’t have to be on the lips. You could easily kiss a girl on the forehead or the top of her head and it would be very touching. “Ritual” here does not mean a bloody sacrifice or a religious custom, but something that is commonly done, that is a well-established norm:
- A handshake is a ritual.
- Saying good morning is a ritual
- Asking “What’s new today?” at the end of the day is a ritual.
Rituals work soothingly: we rely on their familiarity and regularity. It’s something familiar and stable that gives us confidence in what’s going on and in the relationship.
That’s why it’s customary for many people to hug or kiss on the cheek when they meet – it’s a soothing, pleasant ritual. Apply it in a relationship, and the girl will be more attracted to you.
There’s probably no list of right touches, but there sure is a list of wrong ones.
Show tenderness and other feelings in the way you want, but avoid those gestures:
- Grabbing breasts or buttocks in the early stages of dating and in public places
- Forcing hugs or mutual kisses
- Grabbing by the throat and hair: unless you learned beforehand from the girl that she likes it too. And in public it’s better to avoid it, too
- Rude displays of affection: when you use too much force
- A hand on a girl’s thigh when you are together just a short time ago
- Hand in her back pocket under the same conditions
Girls are different. Some of them like a lot of things on this list, but it’s better to reassure yourself and focus on the rules of etiquette at first. This is a universal strategy of behavior that will work fine until there are rules for your relationship.
- First touches should be fleeting and unobtrusive, as in normal communication. Stroke or pat on the shoulder, high-five, elbow in response to a joke. As a sign of attention, you can kiss your hand when introducing, greeting, or saying goodbye.
- Show more initiative and make the framework more flexible: Give her a hug when saying goodbye if you’ve just met her, or even a kiss on the cheek. Touch her arm or shoulder when you want to draw attention to yourself. When helping her take off her coat, touch her arms and shoulders. As you pass her in the doorway, put your hand on her back and give her a little nudge, or just run your hand down her back.
- Girls need touch, and they’re often the first to reduce tactile distance. But your initiative convinces of desirability, of interest, of your claim to a relationship. In this respect, tactile contact is a kind of amulet against friendzone, a bright marker of your intentions.
Determine your intentions.
A girl can be touched in many places to please her. But any touch is a message that is sometimes more powerful and brighter than words. Learn to speak your body language and send her the right signals. Some are good for seduction, others for shortening the distance, and others for expressing tenderness.
Different touches work in different ways, and you should first decide what mood you want to convey with your touches now. It’s important to remember that on the first few dates it’s most appropriate to express tenderness and a little – to shorten the distance, but in no way to seduce. Look first at how to get a girl to like you on a first date.
What touching should be.
In this paragraph I will tell you exactly what to do with a girl. But first, one piece of advice: let each of your touches be confident. If a man is nervous, spins the thought “what should I do if I want to touch a girl” in his head, notices that his palms are sweating or his hands are shaking, he’s not going to make it. A girl is unlikely to get in the mood for intimacy from a man who is afraid of intimacy himself.
To express tenderness:
- Run your hand down your back.
- Stroke the inside of your wrist.
- Pay attention to your hands. Don’t just hold the girl’s hand, stroke and massage her palm, squeeze it gently. Run your hand through the back of your hand.
- Stroke her shoulders. If several dates are behind you, walk up behind her and gently massage her neck, shoulders, and upper back. You can do this with one hand while stroking her arms and hair with the other. Lean your head against the back of her head. Such contact lifts the girl’s spirits and gives a sense of security.
- Touch her lower back. Stroke it while cuddling or just put your hand on it while walking.
To shorten the distance:
- Whisper something in her ear so that she feels your breath.
- Put your head on her shoulder.
- Put her leg over yours.
- Stroke the outside of her thigh. Put your hand on her in public, but don’t sit like that all night.
- Lightly massage her waist while standing behind her. You can stroke her head or neck with your other hand, and remove her hair. Place your head on her shoulder. Kiss her neck.
- Touch her knees. This is one of the sensitive areas of women, so light touches or strokes will be very pleasant.
- Leave the gestures for tenderness, but let each one last a little longer than before.
- Tickle her.
- Pay attention to your feet: stroke them, touch them lightly, squeeze a little, massage them.
- Run your hand up her thigh and then gently and lightly move to the inner side of her thigh. If the girl doesn’t recoil, intensify the touch.
- While kissing, stroke her face, squeeze her neck a little, hug her waist tighter, pull her hair lightly.
- Run your finger around her belly button, then switch to an up-and-down motion. Distract yourself to other parts of her body and then go back to her belly button: this will excite her.
- Kiss her neck – lightly, then passionately and with pressure, then lightly again.
- Caress her ears: first with your fingers, then with your tongue. This is one of the most sensitive areas.
- Touch erogenous zones: squeeze the inner side of the thigh, stroke and press the breast, run your fingers along the collarbone.
- Put your finger on her upper lip and slowly move it down to her navel. Stand in front of the girl, very close. Notice her breathing. Linger on those places that make her breathe more deeply when she touches them.
First date: At what point is it okay
On the first date you should not show what a genius you are in the art of tactile contact – this will be premature and will stress the girl out. But at the same time the distance should not be as it would be with a total stranger.
- Give the girl a hug when you meet her; if brave enough, kiss her cheek briefly and lightly.
- Spend some time talking before you take her hand. It’s worth doing only when you see that she’s comfortable around you.
- When you take her hand, remember some time later that you can stroke, squeeze, and lightly massage her palm.
- If that same “chemistry” occurs already on the first date, you can briefly put your arm around her waist during a walk, just for a couple of minutes.
- If you see that the girl is attracted to you – make a beautiful compliment with tactile contact. Tell her she has beautiful hair and run your hand through it.
- Note the color of her blouse and touch her shoulder.
- Take an interest in the pendant and casually touch it as you take it in the palm of your hand to get a better look.
Basically, you’ll have to be guided by the situation. Remember one thing: you can’t do without touching at all, but it should be light, unobtrusive, and inconstant.
The main rule of all touching is to act with confidence. And speak up in the process if you’re doing something potentially embarrassing to the girl. She’ll have to talk, answer your questions-it’s sure to distract her from the fact that you’re doing something questionable. You’ll look more confident if you act like everything is okay. That confidence will carry over to her, too.
Basic rules for touching if you’ve known each other for a long time
People who are not in a relationship also touch each other. It’s informal contact that we’re not intimidated by:
- hugs upon meeting each other,
- light elbow thrusts to the side,
- punches to the shoulder as a joke or a reaction to it,
- touches inadvertently. We practically do not notice them – after all, they are normal within the framework of friendly contact and do not arouse suspicion.
So if you’ve known the girl for more than a week, it’s important to take touching to the next level. She’s probably already used to a certain level of tactile contact and trusts you, so all that’s left is to shorten the distance, increase the number of touches and draw her attention to the fact that they have changed.
As the nature of your relationship changes, so does your touch. You don’t have to drastically abandon the old gestures and use only “relational” ones. To begin with, it will be great to extend the same touches a little – this is already a change that will attract the girl’s attention. Then gradually add to the communication gestures from the lists above. Start with the most innocent ones.
How she responds: does she need it
Touching is necessary if you decide to date, and that’s a fact. It is the tactile nonverbal contact that best convinces a girl of your intentions and takes the relationship from level to level.
Even if the girl doesn’t reciprocate every touch, the main marker is the fact that she doesn’t stop you, she doesn’t lash out, she doesn’t dodge you. It means everything is going according to plan.
- Some girls are uptight and have a hard time showing a reaction.
- Others enjoy the process and don’t always do something immediately in response.
There is only one basic rule about reactions: no resistance is consent. It’s your pass to that level of contact that you encroached on by touch. And that means that you can linger on that level for a while and go on to kiss the girl properly.
As a rule of thumb, if you’ve managed to grab a girl’s arm, she won’t mind touching her shoulders or waist. And if she doesn’t dodge when you touch her face, she’s ready to be kissed.
Now you know how a man touches a girl, you know why, and in what situations it’s appropriate. I’ve collected general recommendations and facts which are convenient to rely on, but the most interesting thing is to improvise based on this information.
Register on the best dating sites, connect with girls, and continue conversations in real life. Don’t use stamps and strict plans, experiment, be sincere and discover your own rules and patterns.
Tell us in the comments:
- Which touch do you think is the gentlest?
- And the most passionate?
- Do you like to take the initiative in tactile contact, or would you love to pass it on to a girl?