Conscious Mating: Is This the Right Relationship for Me?

Prior to creating a dedication in a relationship, or in the “pre-commitment” stage, is your alternative to decide on your future as consciously as potential.


You are the pioneer of your life. And if you’re studying this you might be probably looking for to be the pioneer of your relationships by striving to interrupt freed from previous patterns and make acutely aware relationship decisions. As a relationship pioneer your objective is to be totally conscious of the long-term impression of your decisions and date and mate with acutely aware intention. You are decided to create the life and relationship you really need and imagine that real love and achievement will occur provided that you go after what you really need and do not settle for much less.

Everyone begins their journey in the direction of a profitable and fulfilling dedicated life partnership as a single. When you date and at last discover somebody to bond with in a relationship it’s extremely thrilling, however at the similar time, most are acutely aware of the query “Is this the right relationship for me?” and are in what I name the “Pre-commitment Stage” of a relationship. The journey from single to turning into a acutely aware couple in a profitable, fulfilling dedicated life partnership I name “Conscious Mating.” Just as a acutely aware single should have readability about who you might be, what you need, and tips on how to get it, so should a acutely aware couple. As difficult as it’s for you to make good long run relationship decisions whenever you’re single, it may be much more difficult to make good long-term relationship decisions when in a pre-committed relationship.


When singles turn into couples in at this time’s world, most are questioning at some degree “Is this ‘The One’? Should I be with this person for the rest of my life?” They are an unique couple, however not but dedicated.

It could also be tempting to name these couples “pre-marital” as a catch-all time period to incorporate all couples that have not but taken the step of turning into dedicated. However, in our opinion, the mindset of a pre-marital couple is “We want to be married,” which could be very completely different from the pre-commitment mindset of “Is this the right relationship for me?”

When I first recognized the pre-commitment stage and began growing some approaches to working with these couples, I acknowledged this stage as completely different than “pre-marital” however did not know what to name it. The label “pre-commitment” was supposed to be short-term, nevertheless it caught. I used to be amazed at the lack of recognition, data, and assets for this stage of relationship amongst mainstream relationship consultants and the out there analysis and literature. Even at this time, whereas this phenomenon has turn into frequent follow in our tradition it’s nonetheless largely unrecognized in the mainstream, which I hope to vary with articles resembling this one.


Pre-committed couples usually fall into two categories:

  • UNCONSCIOUS- usually following the “mini-marriage” mannequin of attempting the relationship out, appearing dedicated with out truly making the dedication. A disconnect of truth and angle.
  • CONSCIOUS- conscious that they aren’t but dedicated, normally have dedication as a objective, asking themselves “Is this the right relationship for me? Should I make a commitment?” An alignment of truth and angle.


There are many misconceptions about love. Our tradition glorifies the romantic love stage of relationship in literature, theatre, tv, and films. It is that preliminary infatuation stage of a relationship when our chemistry is in excessive gear and we expertise euphoria. Powerful amphetamine-like neurotransmitters flood and alter our mind chemistry.

While unsustainable, the romantic love stage serves an essential goal as a result of it offers us a style of our greatest and strongest selves. If the relationship seems to be long-term selection, this stage bonds us collectively and prepares us to climate life’s inevitable storms. Confusing this preliminary romantic stage with actual, sustainable love is a mistake that may be our undoing.

We need and count on to be blissful, and romantic love is eternally optimistic. We do not wish to imagine that after we expertise this intense chemistry with somebody that it will not work. We wish to keep away from the ache of failure and could be tempted to attempt exhausting to suit a spherical peg right into a sq. gap, twisting ourselves right into a pretzel attempting to “make” a relationship work.

In at this time’s world when singles turn into couples, few leap blindly into fast dedication. Most new couples are “pre-committed,” that means they’re an unique couple, however they have not but determined the way forward for their relationship. This stage coincides with romantic love, and acutely aware couples who perceive relationships notice the must get to know each other lengthy sufficient for the infatuation to put on off and expertise the actuality earlier than making irreversible long-term decisions.


Here is the radical reality: Relationships do break up. As exhausting as we would attempt to stop and keep away from relationship failure, it occurs anyway. Because there are various unconscious forces at work in each stage of a relationship, being totally conscious is not simple and controlling the consequence is not possible.. These unconscious forces have the potential for undermining our greatest efforts to maintain love if we aren’t conscious.

In Conscious Mating, reasonably than unconsciously believing romantic fantasies of residing fortunately ever after, we settle for this reality. Since relationships break up anyway, why not be as acutely aware as potential in the course of and enhance our odds of success?


Every relationship has challenges. This is regular and doesn’t imply there’s something inherently flawed together with your relationship. Some challenges are solvable and could be addressed and resolved, others are perpetually unsolvable. Prior to creating a dedication in a relationship, or in the “pre-commitment” stage, is your alternative to decide on your future as objectively as potential.

You can use the pre-commitment stage of a relationship to determine the solvable challenges and unsolvable issues on this relationship. You can then make a acutely aware option to take them on and stay with them, or resolve that they sabotage the long-term sustainability of your relationship and stroll away when you nonetheless can with a lot much less ache and value than additional down the highway. In pre-commitment you might be in an unique relationship that isn’t but dedicated. This offers you a chance to determine whether or not this relationship meets your necessities and wishes for a profitable long-term relationship earlier than you make a dedication. Using the pre-commitment stage to make acutely aware long-term decisions makes good sense.


Even should you expertise the ache of breaking apart in the pre-commitment stage, this prevents you from experiencing even larger ache down the highway.

Making the most acutely aware selection potential earlier than making a dedication is, in our opinion, a pain-prevention present you may give to your self. As troublesome as it’s to make the selection to finish a relationship, you’ll save your self the devastation you’ll absolutely expertise at the finish of a mini-marriage or a divorce, particularly the place youngsters are concerned.

If you might be in a relationship that isn’t but dedicated and are asking the query “Is this the right relationship for me?” I encourage you to make a long-term relationship selection that may lead to the life and relationship that you just really need earlier than you make a dedication. We should acknowledge the risk that your present relationship just isn’t “The One.” Therefore, I recommend you search to achieve readability about what you really need and want in a relationship and whether or not or not your present relationship will lead to residing the life you’re keen on with the love of your life.

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